Mirror

When is suffering justified?

It was a bright sunny day. Radha and her parents wore new dresses. They were getting ready to go to a temple. They had talked to her in the past few days trying to explain some rituals that she has to go through when they visit this particular temple, but she didn't quite understand what the experience entailed. She didn't care. She trusted her parents like children always do despite all the previous times their parents had let them down.

They arrived at the temple. A few relatives joined them. After the usual chats and laughs, they walked her down to the place where she was going to go through the said ritual. As they started getting closer to the spot, Radha started to sense something strange. She became quiet. Her smile faded away. She wasn't sure what was going on. She heard people screaming. She clung to the safest place she knew - her mom's neck. She took a look at her dad before she shut her eyes. Dad looked at her. He regretted his decision. But he had no choice but to let this happen, or so he thought.

"No matter what it was, my dad and mom are here to protect me", Radha nervously thought to herself. Mom assured her that everything is alright, and continued to walk down to the spot reserved for her. The screams got louder. She opened her eyes and was frightened to see people of about her age being held down by people twice their size. Something was being done to them. She didn't know what it was. She clung tighter to mom's neck. Mom released herself from Radha's hold. Then she hugged her legs and wouldn't let go. Dad while consoling her, pulled her, or rather peeled her away from mom, and held her down to a seat. Some from the family helped him. Radha started to scream and cry. A stranger sprayed water on her head. She begged them to leave her. She cried to mom for help. Mom consoled her but didn't do anything to stop her suffering. She cried and cried like she was going to pass out. The screams echoed in the hall. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. But nothing seem to stop what was going on. The stranger was doing something to her head. A few relatives made funny sounds to distract her, but she didn't pay attention to any of that. She was still screaming, not only out of fear but also out of disbelief that her mom and dad are letting this happen to her.

They were shaving her head to offer it to their God - something that every Indian Hindu child goes through. Radha is a 3-year-old. People nearby have seen this being done to hundreds of children. Every child they knew went through this. They didn't consider this to be suffering. But in Radha's mind, the suffering was as real as that of a deer struggling to release itself from a lion's teeth.

Radha was still screaming. Her voice had become hoarse. The ritual was complete. Her head had been shaved. Dad let her go. Mom hugged her and then gave her her favorite candy. She took it. Dad wondered for a moment if it is instances like this that teach us to deal with suffering by seeking out pleasure.

Radha calmed down. Her parents felt terrible. They had never even threatened to hit or punish her even once in her life, let alone hit her. The only time they held her with any sort of significant force was when she got a COVID test. She suffered for a few seconds, but even at 3, she understood there was some purpose to that suffering. She had watched her parents getting tested for COVID going through the same unpleasant procedure. But neither she nor her parents could find a purpose in this suffering.

"This is a form of respect to God, to seek his blessings to protect and love our child", one family member said. Radha's dad wondered if there is God, wouldn't it be an insult to him to think that he would offer his love and protection only in return for this suffering? Even if it is true, wouldn't it be meaningful for parents who believe this to have their heads shaved to seek divine blessings for their child instead of letting the child suffer?

"It will make the hair grow stronger and denser", said a friend. Radha's dad and he exchanged glances. There was an awkward silence. Both of them were bald. They had shaved their heads almost every summer of their childhood. The only benefit those tonsures offered them was a taste of their futures. Millions of bald men shave their heads every day, and their hairlines don't improve. Out of the 8 billion people in the world, only about a billion people belonging to certain cultures have this practice. Men belonging to these cultures are not immune to going bald, any more than men belonging to other cultures.

"Well, it was only two minutes of suffering, and the child will completely forget it in a few months. It is no big deal. See, she has already forgotten it" one other person said pointing at Radha who was now playing with a few kids. Radha’s dad looked at her. She indeed seemed to have forgotten the suffering she just went through. But does that matter? Is a child's suffering significant only if she remembers it in the future? Or only if some psychologist says this is a traumatic experience that might cause intellectual or emotional issues in the child? Don't our kids deserve to be protected from all needless suffering, regardless of whether it is two minutes or two hours, whether they will remember it or not, whether it has any effect on their brain development or not?

"Yayyyy!! Monkeys!!" Radha yelled. Dad woke up in the car and found her with a full head of hair. It was all a dream. They had just reached the temple. He was glad he could still make a choice.


Many of our traditional practices may not stand up to reason, but these practices do give us a place and purpose to say hello to friends and family, take a break from the routine, and maybe soak in some spiritual vibes. Removing all traditional practices that don't add value may not be a wise choice, but removing or at least modifying the ones that cause needless suffering definitely is.

#suffering